Faculty Yoga Study in Pune, India

Instead, the last month has been very different than I imagined. The practice schedule, if you choose to adhere to it, is quite intense. Six days a week we have a 3 hour practice session and a 2 hour class. The practice sessions are "open" and are held in the main hall where you are surrounded by 50 to 80 other people practicing, including Mr. Iyengar, his daughter Geeta, and senior teachers from around the world. I also study texts every day in the library, and observe the medical classes. It's a full time schedule and is quite demanding. Doing this much yoga and study has had some of the effects I remembered and expected - I feel stronger, more flexible, and on some days after practice I have an unshakable calm that takes hours to dissipate.

However, the effect I've been most fascinated with is a "witnessing" experience I've been having, where in a given moment I observe my reactions with detachment, as though I'm looking at someone else. I still react to everything, but I see myself doing it instead of just being swept away in the hurricane of my feelings and thoughts.

The rigor of the practice and the witnessing have laid me open to Svadyaya (Self-Study) in a way that is, frankly, pretty uncomfortable. I have read the list of "Obstacles to Practice," many times in the Yoga Sutras, but now I am constantly observing myself getting caught in these obstacles again and again, particularly during open practice. A few examples:
* My self doubt: Wow, look at that person's pose. Perhaps I don't have the discipline to be a truly advanced student.
* My pride: Is the teacher noticing how sharp my Triangle pose is, and how focused I am?
* My avoidance: Forward bends are always so uncomfortable for my back...maybe it's better for me to not do them.
* My mental laziness: I think I'll do my hand washing right now rather than going to practice right away.

Mr. Iyengar sums up my struggles in this way in Light on Yoga: "The life of an ordinary person is filled with an unending series of disturbances and frustrations and with his reactions to them...the practitioner has developed the capacity to remain satisfied with whatever happens to him."

This morning during an extended Savasana (Corpse Pose) with the most incredible instruction, a student was having difficulties next to me and was being adjusted repeatedly by the assistants. I was bumped or nudged about 8 times. Each time, I feel a rush of irritation but was able to observe it, "Oh, there's irritation," and let it pass through me like a breeze. Normally, I would react to my irritation and get sucked into a whirlpool of negative thoughts about how insensitive people are and how now my arms are now uneven, but this didn't happen this morning. It was a tiny window into another way of being in the world, a possibility of creating contentment from within. Cultivating this mindset takes constant attention, however, which is why My Iyengar writes that, "the price of freedom is eternal vigilance."

Despite the hard truths I am facing about myself, I feel so grateful to have the privilege of being here, to have these weeks to sink into practice and to be surrounded by a community of fellow practitioners. It's also a incredible gift to be in the presence of living masters - the Iyengars. I look forward to coming home to the community of students and fellow practitioners that I have in San Francisco, and to continuing to inspire and support each other on our paths.

Warm wishes to all of you.

--- Octavia